Please learn, understand, and have respect for Thai social culture
Please refrain from directly calling a Thai women advertised in the THAIS personals ads before writing
a letter of introduction to her and receiving a positive response which would suggest that the lady is receptive (giving you permission) or inviting you to call her and be sure that she has the necessary English
ability and privacy and social circumstances to comfortably receive a phone call from you, a male foreigner.
Please note that your "unsolicited" phone call could put the Thai lady into an embarrassing situation at home with her family, with friends, with neighbors, with co-workers or her employer. Your uninvited call could jeopardize her her
job and her reputation and put her family relations into a turmoil.
Now why is this you might ask?
Okay, for starters, Thailand is a modernizing country but the society and culture of Thailand are still and
in certain ways, very old fashioned by western standards.
What does this mean?
In the USA many people meet through personals ads, but in Thailand, personals ads are not viewed as a normal everyday culturally accepted
thing just yet. As a matter of fact, personals ads tend to lean towards the culturally unacceptable particularly when it involves foreigners.
On a local basis and within the Thai society itself, personal ads are beginning to catch on, but they are far from becoming popular and
So? Okay, so think about it !
These Thai women live under the peer pressure of Thai society and they must conform to culturally and socially
acceptable things or risk becoming the subject of embarrassing, cruel and sometimes downright insulting jokes and unfounded, slanderous,
rumors and gossip.
Now why would a Thai woman in Thailand be ridiculed and become the subject of jokes and gossip for receiving
a phone call from or for that matter being visited or seen in public (in Thailand) with a foreign man?
Daaaa, dude, if you can't figure this one out, then you better "bone up" on Thai culture before
attempting an "international romance" with a girl from Thailand. If you don't know the culture, you will never know or understand
the girl and you won't have a snowball's chance in hell of having a long-term and successful relationship with a Thai woman let alone a
But dude, can't you just tell me a little bit as to why?
No, I am not going to explain why and the reason for it is simple. The words that I need to use for the explanation
will bring a lot of unwanted traffic to my website and I already have too much unwanted traffic at this website because I mistakenly used
these words in previous versions of this website. If you really want to know, purchase one of the books about Thai culture and society that
I sell or you could email me.
Be respectful of the women's privacy folks, these women must go about their daily lives long after your untimely
phone call or surprise visit. You can go home, no problem, but they have live there and bear the brunt of the embarrassing jokes and gossip
long after you have gone home.
So why the long-winded, preachy lecture on foreign men calling Thai women on the phone unexpectedly
or paying them a surprise visit?
Well it's because I have been receiving reports of problems lately.
It has been reported that several of THAIS male clients have not bothered to learn about Thai culture
and have not used proper discretion when contacting THAIS female clients.
It has been reported that lately, several men have been a bit too forward, a bit too overly aggressive, a
bit too blunt and a bit too careless when contacting the Thai ladies. This most likely happens out of lack of knowledge or lack of respect
for the ways of the Thai social culture with regards to the proper way that a foreigner should contact a proper Thai lady.
Some of THAIS male clients seem to be "cold calling"
the homes of the female Thai clients. Believe me, this is a big mistake and it shows a general lack of understanding of Thai women and the
culture of Thailand. You can be sure that you are disrupting the home, family and embarrassing the Thai girl immensely.
When a foreigner cold calls to the home of a proper Thai lady, he is intruding into the privacy and family
life of the woman and here is what happens:
The phone rings at the home, it's an overseas call coming in. Maybe it is in the middle of the night Thailand
time, so it wakes up the family.
I say family because quite a few Thai women still live at home with their folks and if not their folks, it's
their roommates or friends. So we have a disturbance to say the least.
So there you are, calling to the girl's home and trying to speak to her in English or you are mumbling the
few Thai words that you have learned. Well, most Thai girls will not have a clue as to what you are saying even if they have some English
ability and undoubtedly they will not decipher your attempt at Thai easily.
Please note, I am not criticizing Thai women's ability with English at all here. I am just telling you from
my "personal experience" that that 90 percent of the time he or she is not going to totally comprehend what you are saying or
who you are or why you are calling and for that matter how you got her number.
So you gave it a shot, made the call, nobody understands what is happening, the mother, the father, sisters,
brothers. You are trying to pronounce the girls name, maybe someone catches on and you get to talk to the girl and you think well great.
Well most likely it is not so great for the girl because you have caused such a big disturbance (a family
"Chinese fire drill" so to speak) that the whole household is in an uproar, and depending on the circumstances, possibly half
the neighborhood as well as one of the family members combed the neighborhood to find a neighbor who speaks English.
Well, when the family and/or the neighbors find out that the girl has been receiving phone calls from foreigners,
then the gossip begins. Maybe the girls folks did not know about what she was up to and now the cat is out of the bag and the poppa and
the momma find out their daughter wants to find a foreign boyfriend or husband which in all likelyhood could embarrass the family as well.
Get the picture?
So what do you say to her now that she is on the phone?
Well DO NOT say this:
Oh hi, my name is George and I saw your photo and details on the INTERNET and got your number on the internet so I thought that I would
call you to tell you I am coming to Thailand and I am interested to meet you and maybe we could go to the beach for a week and maybe if
you want to we can marry. wrong !
For Pete's Sakes Guys -
Don't make the first few words of your introduction "hi, I saw your photo on the internet". Most likely you will scare them off.
This is what you say folks -
Hi, I am such-and-such. I received your details (bio) and photo from THAIS
I received your photo and details from THAIS
Get the picture?
Wait a minute, I thought that is what these ladies want !
Not necessarily! Some of the ladies are solely interested in letter writing to penpals to exchange culture and practice their English or
just to make "platonic" friends.
You must read the lady's ad thoroughly and sometimes interpolate
her data in order to figure out just what type of a relationship she is interested in. Sometimes they do not specify their purpose understandably
or for that matter sometimes they do not specify anything at all when they apply so we have to interpolate.
If you use too strong of an approach BEFORE you find out who and what you are dealing with, you can really
upset the apple cart, fellows. Often times you will really "freak out"
the woman that you are so anxious to meet and basically scare her off to the point that she most likely will NEVER want to attempt to find
a foreign friend again and possibly regret posting her personal ad.
You have just ruined the hopes and dreams of the girl and blew your chances at the same. How did this happen?
Well is happened as a result of misunderstood English, creating an uncomfortable and possibly embarrassing situation for her, disrupting
her family, and now of course, a pair of vigorously disapproving parents.
Through my own personal experiences I can tell you that sometimes the Thai girl may sound as though she can
speak English well and you will think that she understands what you are saying and she may even say that she understands, but believe me,
90 percent of the time she will not. So keep this in mind particularly if this is your first time at contacting women in Thailand.
Well, this girl has an apartment and lives alone.
Daaaa, are you forgetting about how Thailand works or is it that you have just not learned this one yet?
In Thailand, in many cases but not all, when a girl lives in an apartment building, in order for her to receive
a phone call, it goes through the front desk operator who most likely does not speak English but most certainly knows what the voice of
a foreign man sounds like.
Well now the front desk and most likely the whole staff of the apartment building and half the residents will
get the story that the girl in apartment such and such is receiving calls from foreign men and in Thailand this could only mean one thing,
Get the picture?
Does this sound far fetched to you? Well it has happened to me before when I was learning the Thai cultural
ropes so to speak. So do not blow it for the girl or for yourselves like I once did and some other gentlemen have done recently.
And now the very worst part, for me at least.
Of course, I now have to listen to the angry complaints of the women as they blame me for the short comings
of a few eager gentlemen who did not take the time to contact the women in a discrete, polite and proper way.
Worst of all, I have to process their requests to REMOVE
their personal data from my listings because their hopes and dreams have just become an embarrassing
Gentlemen, to be successful, you must first learn the Thai social culture and then show the proper respect
for the privacy and shy nature of the Thai women posted on my website.
Please do not scare off the female members by being overly aggressive, too blunt, or in too big of a hurry. Please contact these ladies
in a proper polite fashion and show some respect for their private lives and their culture.
The really sad part of it all is that it seems as though the most highly qualified female members are the
one's most likely to be scared off and consequently have been the ones complaining about the way the men have been attempting to contact
So remember this guys when you are making your contacts, be discrete, be gentle and for Pete's sake, don't start out your greeting with "oh, I just saw your photo and got your information
on the internet."
Nine times out of ten they will be more worried about how you got their data than happy to hear from you and
most likely your explanation as to how you got their information will not be comprehended well enough to ease their concerns.
The proper way to introduce yourself would be to say that
you are a member of THAIS and that you had received their data from THAIS or just simply I received your profile from THAIS and would be
interested to get to know you much better.
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